Nights felt long, as if they would never end. I kept waking up at 2,3am, crying my eyes out, because I missed someone so badly that I can't hold in my hands.
Days felt meaningless because there just wasn't a reason to carry on anymore. It was a vicious cycle I couldn't stop myself from going through because I was addicted to him, or rather addicted to the feeling of feeling loved. It was literally toxic, it just sucked the life out of me. It was painful and torturous and it seemed like I could never get out of it.It felt forever, it felt like I was never going to get over him,you know? I felt like my life will forever continue to revolve all around him and I will feel so sick every single day.
After you,
Things are different.I slept early and wake up early. There was a purpose to go to sleep, for I know that when I wake the next morning, I would see you and feel better again. It's been long since I visited my depressed self, and I guess it's due to you? You really tried to understand,to emphatise, which I never expected you to do. I hardly get nightmares now and I hardly frown or cry to sleep. Instead, every day, I smile remembering everything that happened throughout the day. Suddenly it feels as if I'm back to life again, carrying on because there is a reason to, and the reason is you.However, a flaw of mine is that I depend my happiness on others excessively and when others do not fulfill the expectation that I have of them, I will get disappointed and the whole cycle will just start again.Therefore,right now I'm just apprehensive and paranoid for what is to come in the future. I really don't want to end up having to sacrifice our friendship if you ever get to know this secret of mine. I really just wanted to let you know that I really value our friendship more than anything else and I will do anything to salvage this important friendship. Although I know that you will definitely find out in time to come, I just wanted to let you know that you have really changed my life for the better and I can't imagine life without you and I hope you know how important you are to me. So, even if one day you happen to know about it, please don't avoid me or change the way our friendship works,because I will really return to my old ways without you. You're really important to me, and I really appreciate everything that you have done for me,so don't let this go,please.
