so close yet so far

Have you ever stared into a stranger's eyes and wonder why are they so familiar?


Have you ever been to a place that was once so exciting but now turned lonely and sad?


A stranger, a place was once so unknown to us, a infertile land that was so pure. And I, was so clean,not a single scar on my body.

Ever since then, you call them your home and unknowingly, each day you spent with them at that place seemed like the first day when it could simply be your last day. Sadly, you never knew it was the last time you had a chance like that. You didn't have the chance to say goodbye and just like that, everything was gone.

You never actually realise how much you cherish and crave it until it's gone.

Suddenly scars were formed and you grew up.

You're back at the same place where you started but now,with a different feeling. Fear,anguish and anxiety overwhelm you. You're afraid to see the world and let the world see you.You're hurt.You hide, you fear and you feel inferior.

You remember how you used to be so happy at that exact same place, you feel so connected, looking at the stranger's eyes, reminding you of that certain someone, standing in a place that seem all too familiar.

You miss everything so much you can't describe how you feel. At least you're stronger than yourself.

"Goodbye stranger,I'll pretend I've never met you and I'll move on." she said."But you'll forever be in my heart and I will wait for you for eternity."she whispers.

vicious cycle repeats

Great. Now everything seems to crumbling down on me.Just great. I feel like every single goal,motivation and courage I had for myself in the beginning of the year has been burned by the fire people set. My self-esteem,self-confidence, all gone. The trust, and everything else, all gone.

All I can do right now is to lock myself up in the room,cry and do nothing. The burning feeling is coming back and it's going to burn me down into ashes. The feeling of demons taking over me,convincing me that I'm nothing but a useless bitch, incapable of doing anything. The demon is forcing me to give up, telling me to stop trying because everyone else have given up on me too.

What's the point of trying? I ask myself. All I get is back to where I came from,chasing my tail and never finding a way out. Things only get better for a while and they crumble down so pathetically again. I feel so claustrophobic, I can't breathe.

At the end of the day, I'm just someone unknown, someone who won't make a difference in anyone's life. With or without me, it's still the same. I suck at everything. I can't do anything. Why am I still trying so hard to make myself useful.Why don't I just sit here and rot?

No one loves me anyway. No one cares about me anyway.No matter what I do , people still think I'm doing it wrong,I'm not helping so what's the point?No matter what I do, I can't salvage my friendships. No matter what I do, no one gives a shit.I'm just tired. Bye I'm going to sleep.