all the things i wish i could say but never did

• Honestly,give me a reason why I should believe you.Count all the days,all the times wasted on you.Drunk tears, broken heart. Just tell me why.Until today, nothing change and everything stays the same. I'm sick and tired of hearing the same old thing.Seriously,how long are you going to be like this?It's just so sick,so so sick. Maybe you never knew or maybe you just don't care anymore. I don't know because I'm feeling like I don't know you anymore. Many a times,I feel like giving up but I just can't get over it. I've been thinking alot about this,so much that it's driving me insane. 2am,I can't sleep,staying awake with nothing but you in my heads.3am,and I'm here dreaming about you.4am,here I am crying for you.11am,who i see is you. At least give me an explanation,tell my the truth.I don't care what the truth is,as long as I know it.I can no longer sit here and devour everything like an innocent baby because one thing for sure,it's impossible for me to trust you again. Empty promises,sweet talks.They are not going to get to me because when everything is screaming in my face saying how I'm such a failure for not being able to work things out,I've started thinking alot about this and I realised that it's no longer my fault for over done what I'm supposed to. But it's all your fault,for owing me an explanation for leaving me like this.It's like saying you're gonna keep a dog but you end up abandoning it.I don't get what's the meaning of this because there are so many things I wish I could share with you but all I could do right now is to stare into space and wonder what could've be. Everyone's smiling so brightly and happily and I'm just trying to wish on that shooting star that one day,one day,we could start all over again. Maybe that's when things aren't so screwed up.And maybe that's when I can get back my happiness. 3 more days,I wonder if I'm dumb for making myself go to a place that I have 75% chance of running into you.A place that could make me shed tears once again.I guess I'm just really that dumb,letting you hurt and disappoint me again and again.

another pit-stop, another sad poetry

Sometimes I really wish I could isolate myself from everyone else, shun away from this terrible world because nothing seem to be going right at all.

I feel myself tensing up and shivering every day. When the night comes, tears roll down my face, thinking about every thing, every thing...

Nobody seem to understand at all, nobody seem to care how hard I'm trying, controlling, holding it in. I'm trying...trying not to fall apart, break down. And so they aggravate it, make it worse.

It's so lonely and cold, every single day. I feel as if I'm worthless. I'm so tired I could faint. In a room full of strangers, I feel insecure, I feel scared. I could still remember vividly those eyes that met mine. My hands were shaking.

I put in all my heart and soul, yet still do everything so badly. I love what I do , yet get criticized all the time. This will just be a never-ending story of how suckish my life is and unless someone can start to realise that and stop picking on me, it will just be an endless cycle.

Dear everyone, I'm a human being too. I have feelings. I understand the challenges that I need to get accustomed to to strengthen my emotional self but please do understanding how life right now is actually demoralising me to the point where I lost hope in everything, lost my passion, lost my happiness and willingness and resilience to try. Stop being a bitch for god's sake and spare a goddamn thought for me.

I have enough of this. Let me live in peace please, so that I don't have to be anxious over every single little thing.