So we just had camp cultura and I just had to write this because there are just too many feelings and emotions I have in my heart that I need to pour out right now.
First of all,I'm glad that we survived the camp.It was a fruitful and enjoyable camp.Somehow,it just brainwashed me.The activities were really fun and I guess I have learnt many things through these activities such as Chinese opera and the bhangra dance.
Next,I really think that through this camp,208 has became more bonded and I really can feel the class spirit coming out of us,unlike last year.We were initially uncomfortable with each other and used to have many conflicts but now,we support each other in times of good and bad and that was what really touched my heart.Everyone was co-operative and we worked well with each other.For example,during class performances,everyone was able to give their best and be serious about it and I realised that the boys and girls were more open to each other as compared to last time.
Thirdly,I used to hate this class alot back when I was a sec1 because I'm not really used to it.But now that I'v got to know them better,I feel more open and comfortable with them and I got used to their crazy behaviour.This camp really bonded us really well.I now don't think I can live without them.They were the ones who made me smile when I was sad and cry when I was happy.It has became this routine for me, going to school everyday,playing the same playlist that I didn't like at first over and over again.But after listening it for so many times,I got used to the songs and began to have feelings for it.
This really changed my mindset of the whole thing.Probably I was really immatured last year,I used to think that 6F was everything that I had missed out the opportunity to accept the change and change my opinions too.I have learnt that we must adapt to changes even if we dislike it.After all,what can we do?It's all part of life.Now I realise,what makes me happier is just to enjoy the ride.This ride is scary because you don't really know what's ahead of you but your're traumatised by the turbulence you just had a minute ago.But whatever it is,we have to just sit still and be happy about it.That's what my neurons connected and what slowly made sense to me.
Lastly,I know there will always be that something that I still can't get over.That particular somebody who is still affecting my life up until now,even without any contact for almost a year.People say it takes time.I really don't know how long more until I get over this nightmare.I'm hoping that one day,I will be able to wake up without him in my minds and go through my day without flashbacks of him stuck in my mind.I want to break free from all this crazy stuffs,looking for him in everywhere I go and thinking that everyone looks like him.I know clearly that it's over and I don't want to have any contact with him ever again and I only hope that he's happy,that's all.But sometimes,I ask myself,why waste all my time and wishes on him all the time?I think he's just that important to me?I'm just taking all this one step at a time.It's okay if I can't forget him.It's my fault for promising to wait for 4 years.Now I have to spend my 4 years with someone in my head but not in my life.I'm also starting to get used to this routine,the normal breakdowns and stuffs,It's all part of life to me and I can't change anything about it.Look,I'v tried so goddamn hard to forget him.If I can't, what else can I do?
I just wanna say that I've changed so much since last year and many things became clearer to me as I search for the direction I want to head into.Life is making much more sense right now and I'm not lost anymore.It's only that one thing I have got to overcome.I don't know how but I'll take it real slow and see how it goes.
xoxo,
stsl
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