Um so hey guys I really don't know why I'm here but yeah I don't even have anything planned to say.
As you know,Christmas is around the corner and approaching and there's something about Christmas that gives you that feeling.You either feel happy,sad or nostalgic.But more will opt for the first one.Christmas is just so magical even though it's only a holiday.It's the time that all kids look forward to because they hope to get a present from Santa.It's where people get together and celebrate.
It gives me that feeling when I watch a super cute but sad korean drama or a super sad love story.I'm also in for the Christmas spirit.I mean it makes happy and all just to see smiles on people's faces.It's like when I go out and see people admiring the Christmas decorations and are all gleefully showing off their white teeth,I feel happy too.
But then I got to admit too,Christmas this year just feels like there's something missing.When I look at my decorations in the room,I keep thinking to myself,what exactly is missing such that I feel the hole burning in me.I just so grateful my life is great and everything is in place.
It is just that when I look at my friends and how they get to genuinely enjoy themselves,I feel sad.That's because I know that their lifes are complete I guess.Sometimes I ask myself whether this is even worth it or not.I sometimes feel like I'm just wasting my life away sitting in the dark praying for something to come back when in reality it's already long gone.It's like wishing that you didn't break that glass that your parents gave you when you were little.Now that it's broken,there's no way to fix it.That's what I'm feeling right now.
What if I just forget that I broke the glass and move on?Or should I just keep crying over split milk.I know it's stupid to let my life slip away while I'm still brooding over stupid stuffs but I'm really confused.Some things in me just don't want to let it go because it just means so much to me.People are all telling me to forget and let go and be happy but they never really know what it's like don't they?Some part of me is just saying I'm a total moron.What's the point if I waste every Christmas because of some lame-ass person?What?I get everything back?No.
I really can't figure my life out now,I'm just in a state of confusion.I can't even sleep properly at night.It's all a nightmare.I just wish I hadn't even meet that person in the first place.My life is ruined.It's frickin' ruined.What am I gonna do now?
I feel like I'm living in a different world from others.I just don't get it,at all.
I can't believe a year changed everything.This is just wow.I'm really impressed.Christmas wans't like that this time last year.I get how busy people are these days.But won't it kill them to just set aside time.At least take the effort to.At least I know I will.
Don't ever keep someone waiting just because you know they will be there.People get tired too and I am a person.
xoxo,
Sher
Thursday, 18 December 2014
Saturday, 13 December 2014
My thoughts for 2014
So erm 2014 is coming to an end so I think that it would be appropriate to do a reflection about everything that happened this year.
First of all,I think this year had been a really valuable one that thought me many lessons.I had never really thought and cared about what I had in life previously and I never really appreciated what I had until I actually lost them.You could say that I was at the very top,feeling like the luckiest person on earth last year.But this year,I fell hard on the cold hard ground and that was when I realised that the world does not only revolve around me.At that very second,I swear I lost everything,from being rich,to poor(not literally duh).
Ever since last year to the beginning of this year,I thought that that was how my life would be like forever.I thought that since I'm happy with the decisions I made,that means I could stay in my comfort zone forever and I felt that my life was perfect at that moment.
But then the terrible thing was that I was the type of person who can't really adapt to things quickly.I hate changes so much.I just liked things to stay the way they were,even if they were not perfect.Well,even if I were able to adapt,I wouldn't even feel comfortable with that new arrangement.It felt like you just dropped your baby tooth and you can get accustomed to that new hole there.I was just like that.
2014 was a whole new thing to me,whole new life,whole new beginning.I moved up to secondary school and things were really different.No more walking to school,no more goofing around,no more after school snacks at the mama shop,no more crazy friends.It's crazy right,how life changed 360 degrees.
And I would have to admit,up until now,I still miss primary school.Maybe everyone has moved on,but I have not.There's just something about it that I can't let go.
It's just not the same anymore in secondary school.The reason being is because my school is so called one of those "good schools" so you will expect people there to be "good" too right?In primary school, my friends were all very humble and we often went out without needing to spend more than 10 bucks and be happy.Now, so many people in my school are just so wasteful, spending money like they had everything in the world.And they're not as fun too.
Well,I had no choice but to live with that for the next few months.Those few months, as my friends were still not that busy, I still at least got the chance to meet up with them once in a while.That was the part when everything was not that hard.I still could feel the presence of my friends.
However,inside of me,I wasn't emotionally stable to accept everything just yet.There were terrible nights that came and I felt like my soul was taken out of my body,not even knowing who took my body.I just broke down,doing horrible stuffs,thinking that I was crazy.And there were even worser nights when dark thoughts filled my mind. I feel that there was no purpose of living anymore.I don't know what I was doing but it really scared me alot.
But eventually, I got by everyday that passed.At some point of time,I decided in order to stop myself from thinking too much,I decided to focus on my studies.So I isolated myself from others,I just don't want to talk to others,pay attention in class and all I ever did was study.I didn't really care about going out with my friends anymore.I thought that it would help me take my mind of those awful memories.And I thought that if I start making friends,the same thing would happen again once they leave and I really don't want to go through the same thing again.And I got pretty decent results and that was okay.
So that was the first half of the year,as for the next half,after what I assumed the worst,happened,I was just devastated,I guess it was my fault.I started the whole damn thing.What was I even thinking?So just because of that one stupid month,it ended,for real this time.And when it came nearer to my birthday at August,I began to regret my decision.It was the worst decision ever.How could I?I guess at that point of time,it was hopeless for me to salvage all this because I soon found out that he was gone for good.
And yeap,ever since that moment,I shut everything off again.My whatsapp,instagram,facebook and every single thing that still connected me to the internet.I just was busy studying all the time, for exams and stuffs.But somehow,I guess that really affected me alot because I couldn't really concentrate about what I doing.I failed my CA pretty badly.
And then I told myself to get up because it was pretty useless to let such a thing and a stupid person bother me so much.Ever though I struggled the whole time and I just can't stop thinking about what happened,I didn't let it stop me from doing better.
Forgetting is the worst part.It was really painful.It stabbed me in the heart.I almost died.
Going through all these was like a vicious cycle that never ends.It keeps happening.I tried to keep myself busy all the time but the moment I'm about to sleep,where I can't do anything,it just keeps repeating again and again.It's just like after watching a horror movie.
And then comes EOY,It was the most stressful 20 days of my life.I never experienced such a thing before.But I'm glad at least it took my mind off things.This time,I studied really hard to make up for the subjects that I failed.I was determined to improve so much.And I did.
Then holidays came and there was so much band practices and I went overseas during part of that period.There were nights where I broke down,again.Trust me,it's just too hard to forget.
And now here I am.
2014 taught me what to do when I fell and how to get up.I know that for quite some time,this will how my life will become.But it's fine for me.My mum tells me to go out all the time but I'd rather not.Well, at least I think that I will be able to keep the promise.I'll do the waiting although I just know that it's impossible to happen again.It's okay.I shall just bottle all this up.I just aim to focus more on my studies next year and do even better.I will just stick to the normal routine.
They say that once you're ruined, you will never be the same again.I think that that goes for me.I can never become the same person again. I've grown stronger.
Not everything will go your way.You also can't choose the way it will go.The only thing you can do is to bear with it no matter how hard it is.Go with it.Enjoy the ride.But most of all,when you're at your best,be thankful for all that has happened.When you're at your worst,don't give up just yet.Stay strong.Stand up again and I'm sure you'll really grow as a person.That's life after all.You can only choose to embrace it.
So I guess that's it.Happy holidays and byee:)
xoxo,
Sher:3
First of all,I think this year had been a really valuable one that thought me many lessons.I had never really thought and cared about what I had in life previously and I never really appreciated what I had until I actually lost them.You could say that I was at the very top,feeling like the luckiest person on earth last year.But this year,I fell hard on the cold hard ground and that was when I realised that the world does not only revolve around me.At that very second,I swear I lost everything,from being rich,to poor(not literally duh).
Ever since last year to the beginning of this year,I thought that that was how my life would be like forever.I thought that since I'm happy with the decisions I made,that means I could stay in my comfort zone forever and I felt that my life was perfect at that moment.
But then the terrible thing was that I was the type of person who can't really adapt to things quickly.I hate changes so much.I just liked things to stay the way they were,even if they were not perfect.Well,even if I were able to adapt,I wouldn't even feel comfortable with that new arrangement.It felt like you just dropped your baby tooth and you can get accustomed to that new hole there.I was just like that.
2014 was a whole new thing to me,whole new life,whole new beginning.I moved up to secondary school and things were really different.No more walking to school,no more goofing around,no more after school snacks at the mama shop,no more crazy friends.It's crazy right,how life changed 360 degrees.
And I would have to admit,up until now,I still miss primary school.Maybe everyone has moved on,but I have not.There's just something about it that I can't let go.
It's just not the same anymore in secondary school.The reason being is because my school is so called one of those "good schools" so you will expect people there to be "good" too right?In primary school, my friends were all very humble and we often went out without needing to spend more than 10 bucks and be happy.Now, so many people in my school are just so wasteful, spending money like they had everything in the world.And they're not as fun too.
Well,I had no choice but to live with that for the next few months.Those few months, as my friends were still not that busy, I still at least got the chance to meet up with them once in a while.That was the part when everything was not that hard.I still could feel the presence of my friends.
However,inside of me,I wasn't emotionally stable to accept everything just yet.There were terrible nights that came and I felt like my soul was taken out of my body,not even knowing who took my body.I just broke down,doing horrible stuffs,thinking that I was crazy.And there were even worser nights when dark thoughts filled my mind. I feel that there was no purpose of living anymore.I don't know what I was doing but it really scared me alot.
But eventually, I got by everyday that passed.At some point of time,I decided in order to stop myself from thinking too much,I decided to focus on my studies.So I isolated myself from others,I just don't want to talk to others,pay attention in class and all I ever did was study.I didn't really care about going out with my friends anymore.I thought that it would help me take my mind of those awful memories.And I thought that if I start making friends,the same thing would happen again once they leave and I really don't want to go through the same thing again.And I got pretty decent results and that was okay.
So that was the first half of the year,as for the next half,after what I assumed the worst,happened,I was just devastated,I guess it was my fault.I started the whole damn thing.What was I even thinking?So just because of that one stupid month,it ended,for real this time.And when it came nearer to my birthday at August,I began to regret my decision.It was the worst decision ever.How could I?I guess at that point of time,it was hopeless for me to salvage all this because I soon found out that he was gone for good.
And yeap,ever since that moment,I shut everything off again.My whatsapp,instagram,facebook and every single thing that still connected me to the internet.I just was busy studying all the time, for exams and stuffs.But somehow,I guess that really affected me alot because I couldn't really concentrate about what I doing.I failed my CA pretty badly.
Forgetting is the worst part.It was really painful.It stabbed me in the heart.I almost died.
Going through all these was like a vicious cycle that never ends.It keeps happening.I tried to keep myself busy all the time but the moment I'm about to sleep,where I can't do anything,it just keeps repeating again and again.It's just like after watching a horror movie.
And then comes EOY,It was the most stressful 20 days of my life.I never experienced such a thing before.But I'm glad at least it took my mind off things.This time,I studied really hard to make up for the subjects that I failed.I was determined to improve so much.And I did.
Then holidays came and there was so much band practices and I went overseas during part of that period.There were nights where I broke down,again.Trust me,it's just too hard to forget.
And now here I am.
2014 taught me what to do when I fell and how to get up.I know that for quite some time,this will how my life will become.But it's fine for me.My mum tells me to go out all the time but I'd rather not.Well, at least I think that I will be able to keep the promise.I'll do the waiting although I just know that it's impossible to happen again.It's okay.I shall just bottle all this up.I just aim to focus more on my studies next year and do even better.I will just stick to the normal routine.
They say that once you're ruined, you will never be the same again.I think that that goes for me.I can never become the same person again. I've grown stronger.
Not everything will go your way.You also can't choose the way it will go.The only thing you can do is to bear with it no matter how hard it is.Go with it.Enjoy the ride.But most of all,when you're at your best,be thankful for all that has happened.When you're at your worst,don't give up just yet.Stay strong.Stand up again and I'm sure you'll really grow as a person.That's life after all.You can only choose to embrace it.
So I guess that's it.Happy holidays and byee:)
xoxo,
Sher:3
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