same old shit

Laughing at the same joke over and over again,
Crying about the same thing over and over again.
Singing the same song over and over again,
Dreaming the same dream over and over again.

Tell me,am I going insane?

My medication has been used up,
All the wine has been drunk.

They always say how intoxication helps you get things off your chest,
But never say what you're supposed to do once the high is done.

It's like running a marathon.
You don't really care how tired you are,
You only care about the adrenaline pumping in your blood,telling you to run faster.
And after you reach the finishing line,
You get overwhelm by the burning sensation,
Taking over you every single minute.

"Don't worry,you'll get over it one day."

Bullshit.

It's been happening for years now.

And no one ever believes or listens to what I have to say.

Last night,he appeared again and it felt like all the puzzle pieces just fell in place together.And when I woke up, everything just shattered,so did my heart.If only I could fall asleep forever,and live in that dream forever.

Why? When will things ever be okay again?

back at it again

That's the thing about holidays.It's when work goes down and thoughts get up.

It's making me crazy. I've been overthinking too much.This is a never ending cycle that I can never get out of. Tears just start
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I hate this feeling. It hurts like hell,These demons are crazy. They just kill me.

It's like I feel like I can never trust anyone anymore. I miss everything. I miss my old friends ,how we used to have so much fun together and I feel like we don't even care about each other anymore. I miss the way they used to care for me. I miss how we used to talk day and night. I'm never worried because I know that regardless of what happens, my best friend will be there for me.Be it 2am,4am, even when I'm breaking down.

And now, it feels like I've been left alone, to deal with my own battles. I can't do it anymore. I really need them. How can they abandon me when I need them the most? I'm lost and I don't know what I'm talking about.        

,

Today I have a new classmate.
I was assigned to sit beside him.
He seemed so similar to you.
Or should I say,he reminds me of you.
When I looked into his eyes,
all I could ever see was you.
There was a flashback.
You were sitting beside me.
We didn't talk at all.
But we laughed together
when you told a joke to everyone.
You were so shy, so rebellious,
so vulgar, so funny.
It's funny how he reminds me of you so much.
It's just that he's uglier,
he's more stupid,
more arrogant,
more mean,
and everything else worse than you.
Yet you both are just that vulnerable.
You act strong,but I can see through you.
I guess no one can replace that value
that you hold in my heart.
It's filled to the brim,
to the point where I can't even breathe.
And since fate had ended our journey,
it has brought your soul into him.
But every time I looked at him,
all I could see was you.
Why can't it be you?
Why must it be him
spending all these time with me.
I hate him,
I need you.
I really wish you were here with me,
seeing all these together with me.
Wasn't that what you promised me?
And maybe that's where our story ends,
you leaving me to complete it on my own,