dear santa

It's Christmas again and I'm feeling all nostalgic again and the year is going to end soon.Late nights make me want to cry while sad music plays on the radio.The cool air fills my room with the smell of Christmas as I drift off to sleep.

I suddenly recall everything that has happened this year and last.Lonely bus rides to school and back. Trudging to school with dreaded feelings.Feeling left out and incomplete every single day.Ah,how tired I am feeling that way.School really gives me anxiety all the time.Not being a good friend,a good role model,a good leader,not finishing homework,not done revising for tests and exams,not getting what's happening,not getting enough sleep.

I open my eyes,it's 2am and I realise I've been dreaming about the past.Looking out of the window and up at the sky,I really miss everything.I don't really know what I actually want for Christmas.To be honest, I don't need much.All I really want is to be who I am.

I'm really tired of acting that I'm fine when I'm not.I want to be the real me.I want to feel happy without really forcing it.I want the people I love to stay by my side.I want to stop worrying about everything and live life as a care free person.

Honestly that's all I really want.I really hate how school just dampens every single hope I have.Every single motivation turns into something that makes me want to kill myself because I'm not good enough.

This christmas,next year,I want to live life and enjoy the free fall.