invisible

This is my last resort.

Isn't it ironic how people always come to me when they need to listening ear when they're sad and how I would do anything just to help them figure out their problem but the moment I needed someone to talk, not even a single freaking soul was to be seen.

I don't know what has landed me to this state but all I know is that for all these times that I've been lying to myself,I do actually know what I'm doing.In my mind,things have changed,alot and I know that they are for the better. But in reality,I guess I'm just lying to myself this whole time.

People just come and go. One moment they are here and they need me. And the next when they're happy, they leave. All the time.No one ever really stayed by me. Nobody ever bothered asking me if I'm alright. I wonder if it's just my fault that I didn't wanted to be an attention-seeker and told the whole world I was sad. So if someone is sad and they express their feelings on social media, then at least a 100 people would be there for them.Then what about me?

I feel like a dead person right now.So all people think about me is that I study all day and night and nothing else. I always wished they could think differently about me sometimes.It's not my fault that I don't want to be like the rest wasting their life away and all I want to do just to be serious.

Am I being too serious?

I'm not kidding you. The only kind of friends I have are books.Books that will make me happier than any other human beings.

They always told me when they're upset,knowing that I knew a way to help them.They always told me how lonely they were.How they didn't have any friends.How they felt that no one understood them. How sad they feel.

I felt like screaming my whole world off then.Then what about me?

For the amount of sadness everyone felt at that point of time.I felt it an infinity times more than them. I've been through worse than that.And I'm still going through it.And it's not helping how people treated me like shit.


Oh how invisible do I feel.

Many people be it adults or child either think that I'm studying for my entire life and just think that I'm so immatured. They think I don't know anything about life.

Yes,they do not know me at all.

I feel like I'm a universe of unexplored stars.

I don't even know who I am.

I feel things.I see things. I hear things. I'm definitely smarter than they think I am.

Why can't anyone see that?

They all walk past me like I don't even exist.

I try to wave and smile at them but they just walk past me like I don't matter but they see the person beside me.

Now who wins this game of sadness?

I'm tired you know.What people don't know about me the most is that I'm breakable.I could cry everyday to sleep.

I wish they knew the pain I carry in me every single day.

I wish they knew how much it hurts.

I wish they knew it felt like knives stabbing my heart.

I wish they knew and they could be more considerate to me.