fourteen

So recently,it was time to choose our subject combination.This is somehow significant to me in a way.At this age,people would normally think,ah..they're still little children.Then again,I'm not sure if I age faster than my other peers or is it just me.Being fourteen can mean a lot.Yeah,I've been through so much shit for so long,I'm sure I can do it for a long while more.It can also mean that I have my whole life to figure out.People say I'm just a child and I don't understand what they do.But,I've been through so much and I believe I'm wiser than many adults,not complimenting myself but I'm sure as technology advances,everyone becomes wiser as they learn more.

Completing two years of my secondary school,I feel liked I've aged quite a bit as compared to two years ago.The age of fourteen comes as a significance as it is the time when my parents slowly step out of my life and leave me all alone to decide what I want to do with it.As they reduce their daily reminders for me to do my homework and study for my tests to letting me have the freedom to choose whether or not I would like to have tuition classes,it seems to me as if I no longer had parents.Well,occasionally,we would still get to enjoy time together but sometimes they are just as hostile as they can be.

After choosing my subject combination,despite not really wanting to listen to how my dad complains about how history is useless and how literature is bullshit while science is everything,I realise that this is the beginning of the journey to my o'levels.And after that,it would be JC then after a couple more years of studying,I'd be working.Who knows if my parents and families would still be alive by then.

You know some time it really bothers me,how I was borned later than everyone else and how my families are elder than everyone else.When every single one of my friends still have their grandparents,all of mine have passed on.I wonder what I would be next time when all of them have passed on.I'm all alone,no siblings, less than 3 cousins my age.I'm just concerned about my future.

You may think that I'm just a fourteen year old girl with everything.Well,I just don't like to take everything for granted.I'm the type who would get ready for everything so that it doesn't comes as a shock to me,which explains why I overthink a lot.

What am I going to do?That's the real question here.

I have no idea.I don't even have a single idea what I am going to do this holiday while preparing for the hell of next year.Maybe my friends don't have to give a shit about anything because they are rich,they have company or they are still living in la la land.

Should I pursue my interests and learn more about them?Should I revise things that I'm not really sure?Should I learn to cook?Should I exercise more often?Should I sign up for classes?There are endless possibilities of what could possibly happen to me.Then again,my plans don't always succeed unless I'm am driven and motivated to do them.

Whatever the outcome,I just feel that I should take this time to look for activities that will benefit me and I also hope that it will help me to forget about things that I ever wanted but never gotten,how much my grades suck,how people always belittle me.

I have the sudden urge to improve myself during this period of time to prove them all wrong.

Now that I've been through the infant stages of my life,it is time to figure out what I want to do for real.I have to stop living in denial and uncertainty. When secondary three starts,I guess I'm going to learn to be more disciplined and focused.I really don't want to regret that I don't start planning earlier and find out that my whole life is a mess.

I also got to stop being so distracted.I guess this year,there are a couple of instances where I'm disturbed by some personal problems.

Fourteen is a big deal.I may not be that matured yet and I will most definitely change my mind again when I grow up but it's okay.What matters most is that I know where I am going and I'm not wasting my life away.I already screwed my life up once three years ago and I'm not going to do that again.This year had been quite a progressive year so far where I picked myself up and start running.Next year,it's all about sprinting to reach my goal.That's life,I know I'm not that fast yet as compared to everyone else but hey I'm making quite a progress for someone who has broken her legs.Now that's something I am proud of.It may be a small progress to everyone else but to me, I will always believe that I'm a strong soldier and I'm capable of much more.Yes,every now and then,I may be shot down by words that may be untrue but I'm not giving up.

I'm going to prove those who say I can't do it wrong.