high school drama?

It's officially the end of the fourth week of school and yet so many,unpleasant things have happened already.I don't mean to sound cliche but I bet high school drama is probably one of the only things one can never escape in one's life.It's not the first time I'm witnessing this but this is definitely the first time I ever felt so strongly about it.

Sometimes I really wonder if it's just me or that I can't adapt easily to new environment. One of the most problematic problem I have right now is my class.I really don't know what to do about it.

As if this wasn't bad enough, I keep feeling worser each time because I have a really low self-esteem and I have trust issues. I really thought I was getting better this time but people's words keep shooting me down and I feel really bad about myself, not being good enough in CCA, not fit enough to be a leader, not smart enough to study. Moreover, some people used to make me promises and these days, I keep thinking about people who are no longer in my life and I feel really sad because I just don't talk to them anymore. My best friend, my chat buddy,all gone for good. They use to tell me everything is okay and now it's not. Why do I have to keep waiting for somebody who obviously doesn't care and doesn't text back? Why do everything have to be this way? I no longer can trust anyone with my problems because I know that nothing lasts forever and one day, they will just be like the rest, long gone and moved on and neither do they give a shit for you.

I really hate all this.I hate high school.I'm just back to where I started off in sec 1.going through this cycle of depression again,except worse.It makes me feel worser about myself. I feel useless, I feel stupid,I feel angry with myself for being myself and letting things end up this way. I could be like all the popular girls if I want because I used to be like them,attention seeking and bitchy,yes I can.But I tried that before and it really wasn't a good experience for me and I swore never to be like that so I changed. But situations right now really wants to make me reconsider if I should be a prostitute when I grow up or be that bitchy popular girl that everyone likes and I guess the first option sounds more appealing.